Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
