apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
