they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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