You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
