Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
