I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
