Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
