i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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