Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
