Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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