Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
