Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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