were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
