one two three fourrrrnication!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
