Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
