listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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