The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just invented taco cereal.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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