you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize