I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
