I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
