I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
