Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
