you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
