Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
