it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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