you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
