we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
