I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You left your phone here
Wait...
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