I cannot find my penis.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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