just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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