i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
