maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
