someone threw a dead crab at me
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
