Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
