Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
