Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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