Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
