Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
