And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
