Barsexuality is the new black.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
