Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
