Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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