I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
