I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
