His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
