First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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