Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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