so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
