So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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