I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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