Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
