Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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