Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
