woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
