Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
