drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
