I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
