Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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