She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
