I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
