ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
