I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
